This is an intriguing topic discussed over and over again by me (well, in my head ofcourse). I often feel that there should be some documentation we ought to go through before we enter one and let’s just say that it should be mandatory to go through line by line. No matter who you are, no matter how rich or how famous, relationships have always been the heart and soul of one’s mental state. Gone are those good old days when it was believed that relationships are build over time and nurtured to its flourish. These are the days when the relationships happen with a speed shaming the light and then there isn’t enough time to tend them, hence leaving them weak and fragile, meant to be shattered to pieces in a blink of eye.
My ideas sound outrageous to my own sound mind. But then it’s my mind that I am battling with. So yes the win some lose some is always just one of them in my petty case. I am too shy (not otherwise) when it comes to conversations (like for real) and without them a relationship is empty and bland. It then becomes a great deal to put up with me in real life. I may sound all understanding and aware at the moment but the flaws are nastily visible when in person. But my ideas, my ideas never cease to amaze me.
Love to me is the centre of my universe. I may fail to give you when you need it but that is just because my expression business is faulty. I want to pour all my love onto that one person. I want to soak that person into the muck of the mushy feelings but then the great drought of emotions strike and the love burns a slow death within. The absence of that vital ingredient, love, just makes it insipid for the relationships to withstand.
Emotions are overwhelming. I have always struggled to even find a friend, and not because I am unsocial but just because all the great conversations are locked up in the fortress of my head. The question is me, the answer too is me. But the courage fails me big time when it must get voiced. I overkill my mental ability to store the stocked up emotions, feelings and conversations.
I was present at the right place at the right time when love was to strike. I am glad for it. But then I am warring that feeling myself and all because life never taught me how to tend. I have the warmth, I have the conviction, I have the mighty deep affection. But alas. The brain to mouth filter must be brazened.
Is it too late? Well, I suppose not.
Have I given up? Hell no.
Should I give it a try? I don’t know how.
Will I ever have a chance? Atleast few if not plenty.
All this can happen if the other half of the relationship extends a warm hand and pulls me into a loving embrace and utter those soothing words softly in my ear that ‘Dont worry, I am here. I won’t let you drift apart, I wont let you stray so far, I will close the distance and mend the gap. I will be there till death do us part. ‘
That’s all I want from the relationship and that’s love.